I'm not the type of girl to just stop caring

I would've given it all and it really seems like he doesn't care.
who is this "he" that i'm talking of? corey todd... my recent ex, the guy that i've spent the last 3 months of my life with, devoting myself to him and his family and what we might be. im also the one that broke up with him twice in the last month :(
i don't know what to feel or think anymore. i dont really want a bf, and i dont really feel interested in anyone else BUT i know that i deserve so much better...this is all so muddled with out the help and support of my mom and brother -- she's in arizona and he's in florida with rhiannon, travis, lindsay, and the baby. i sit here and type and listen to love like songs and think of so much and yet nothing at all. i guess this is the time in my life when i focus on God and what He has planned for my life. i did feel called to missions and the ministry.....He will provide a way and give me exactly what i deserve maybe better, for now i won't worry about it. tomorrow's a new day and i'm doing an acustic set with ryan -- AHHH! ( :
.....i guess that's all for now, i'm pretty sore after my run with Nessa...i love that chick!.....ah well more later.

five for fighting

i can't stand to fly, i'm not that naive so don't be deceived...

I'm a wildflower

So a lot's been happening. I'm not sure where to even start! I'm still working at Chilis, I've dropped competitive drama with Mrs. McGill and am now in "Intro to Piano" along with Sam and Nick. Nick has a boyfriend and has developed even more of an attiute as the year continues onward at an alarming rate. Nate and I tried to give "us" yet another go round but I just never could get 100% ok with the idea. I'm making plans to go on a cruise with either Vanessa or hope this upcoming January and I've also gotten no where with my plan for saving money :/. Speaking of Vanessa, I've been the demo girl at Marvin's (the grocery store that she works at), a few times and apparently I caught the eye of the stocker boy there, His name is Brandon Lane and to be quite honest, he's kind of odd. He seems like a really sweet kid though. He asked Vanessa if she'd give me his number and I had her give him my number instead. He goes to school at Ft. Gibson and he's not only in a ton of the same classes as Tanner effing Sallee, but they're also great friends...joy! : p I stopped in at Marvin's tonight and told Vanessa that she's gonna have to tell Brandon that I'm not interested. I feel bad but I'm doing us both a favor in the long run. Being with someone when they're "in love" with someone else is NO FUN. I should know. I'm not sure if I'm still "in love" with Storm but I know one thing's for sure, I'll never not have feelings for him (whether those are feelings of loathing or love will depend on how he acts), and that's really quite awful. Bobby, who's now Storm's brother because Nancy, Storm's MOTHER, adopted Bobby so that he could get in school, and I did some stuff that I know we never should have done and the worst part is, I don't even know why I did it! It's not like he was pressuring me, but he didn't say no either.. It made everything after that very awkward for him apparently. I've sorta felt like a slut ever since then but I can't take it back... it was weird because this moring while I was driving to school and somewhat contemplating all of this, my mom asked me if I regretted coming to this school? Meaning Muskogee. And I shook my head no like that should have been an obvious answer.....should it have been?

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-- Elizabeth Bishop

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Thank you IRS

So today I picked up my first check from Chilis =) I was supper excited to see how all of my hard work had paid-off {literally} when upon opening my check, it was only for 25.19 hours of work (I've put in almost 40, something like 38.57) and it was for less than $200 :( oh well I guess that's the whole reaity thing hitting me. Still sucks. I'm thinking I might go down to Homeland and put in an app there to be a cashier :) I don't know if mom or dad will let me get more than one job though...
Oh well, more to come :)

I want this necklace for chritmas!