the here and now

the hear and now of it is this: i'm sitting in my best friend's apartment, listening to lifehouse {hanging by a moment}, burning up under a quilt and the heat from the laptop sitting ontop of it, typing my very 1st blog on blogger.com that was the here and now, now comes the fun stuff, the truth. the truth is i have so much on my mind! most of it has to do with guys, 3 guys actually. storm, andrew, and dylan. the truth is after this summer i never thought i'd be worrying about that last asshole -- one thing i've learned is that life and YOU (as in yourself) can suprise and unfortunately, but not unexpectedly, let you down.. but i've learned not to beat myself up too hard, mostly it's the other people that'll let you down. dylan is a guy that i met online sometime in february last year? he seemed pretty swell, he was very charming sorta, i mean any guy can tell a girl she's beautiful right? and so i got to know him and "let him in." the only explanation that i can come up for for that one is that it was because he was so far away, i guess i thought he couldn't hurt me...past expeiences had held that to be true for the most part, at least that how it was with Cody, but he's another story all together -- i have to break in right now to let you all know that "she's everything" by brad paisley just started playing *smiles and sighs in that dreamy sort of "i'm in love" type of way* (that'll be somewhat significant later.) anyways he did end up hurting me, he just stopped talking to me after about 5 months of knowing him and 3 months of really talkking to him. i could spend alot more time describing all the things that we tlkd about and all the things that were said but that's something that i've realized tonight; he's not worth it. so instead i'll just say that we were telling each other that we loved each other and planning a future together.. yeah crazy, i know right? maybe he realized that or maybe he just got really horny either way he stopped talking to me and even though i should have gotten my heart broken for the 1st time, i didn't. i was hurt i won't deny that, but i was far from heart broken. no, it was momre just like a slap in the face for me. so i moved on and goot on with my summer, and oh did i get on with it. but that's for later my dears. next we have storm (i know that i'm not going in order of the list, i'm going in order of whom i had a "relationship" with 1st). storm stiger, oh where to begin. i guess it would be fair to say that the first time that i ever saw storm was when he came to church with ladonna marianne. the 1st thing that almost anyone'll notice about him, myself included, is that he's a cowboy. when i say cowboy i don't mean he wears a cowboy hat and boots with designer jeans, i mean he wears those tight-fitting, butt-hugging, wranglers with cowboy boots, an old faded, black, shirt with a rebel flag splashed accross the front complete with one of those catchy sort of saying like "get er done" underneith - i know you must be thinking REDNECK! well yeah sorta but that's only partof it. i didn't like him after the first time i saw him, i hated him in fact. he was with ladonnna for one and for two he had this cocky ass personna that screamed JERK anytime i was around him and as with most jerks, i could tell from just meeting the boy that he's a player. that was maybe a year ago? two at the most, probably closer to a year and a half. i didn't see him after they broke up, which didn't take long, until i started at muskogee high school. in case you're wondering muskogee is where i live but for my freshman and sophomore year i went to school out at hilldale and i hated it! so i switched to muskogee high or mhs. i got sick the 1st week of school which was bad because muskogee had actually started later than all of the other schools in the area because of all of the constuction that had been started earlier that summer and had gone behind schedule. so i started school two weeks later than everyone else. me being the little over achiever that i am, i decided to take ALL advanced courses when i signed up for my classes with ms. white. aren't i just a genius? so i was taking pre AP calculus as a junior. i had it 2nd hour and who sat in that class just one desk in front of me and to the left? yepp that's right, mr. storm stiger himself. i recognized him the very first day of class when i walked in, but i wasn't sure if he recognized me or if he wanted to admit that he recogninzed me, either way the first few days of school went by and i didn't really talk to anyone in that class until he and stephen (another kid that we both knew from my church) engaged me in light conversation towards the end of class a couple of times and he asked me if i knew who he was. hah! yeah i told him as we stood up swinging our bags over our shoulders and picking up our books to leave, you're storm, you came to church with ladonna a couple of times. he nodded and just kinda got that look that let's you know there's a little more to that nod, possibly a good story. i knew right then that he had probably recognized me when i walked in buy he knew that i didn't like him. that's the thing about storm, he's a lot smarter than i would've ever pegged him for. i thought he'd just be some chumped up punk kid that just floated through high school and lived for the weekends and hot girls. i was pretty dead on with some of my assumptions but definnately not all of them. the weeks went on in the class and i was doing fairly well in all of my other AP classes except calculus.. so one day i decided that i'd ask storm, the guy that i had sorta hated since the first time i saw him, if he'd tutor me. the fact of the matter is, storm's really good at alot of things and calculus was no exception to the rule. he looked a little shocked when i asked him but he agreed to it and at the end of class the next day we left knowing that he'd be tutoring me after school that day. the only problem was i hadn't gotten his number or given him mine so neither of us had the other's number. i txt ladonna around 5th hour that day i think and asked her for his nmber but he had alread txt her and asked her for it. hah, i was shocked or impressed to say the least. shortly after txtinig her i got a txt from a number that i didn't recognize saying that it was him. he was wondering what time i wanted to do tutoring and where i'd like to do it, his house or mine? o told him that it didn't matter to me and that i'd let him decide. he decided on his house and i decided that i'd be there around 3:30. he gave me directions and told me to look for a red gate.

i plan on writing a playwrite or a movie script or possibly a tv series and this is gonna be part of one of those. it's pretty late (early), it's 3:32 in the a.m. and i need to get a little shut eye, so this is gonna have to be a break in the script, a "'to be continued episode." more soon though, this helps me feel less stressed sorta clears my head. "if i get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to, and i feel like i'm naked in front of crowd cause these words are my diary screamin out loud and i know that you'll use them however you want to. . .sing it if you understand and breathe, just breathe."