I'm still a bit naive with my heart -- I don't know what I need but I know what I want, but I also know that what I want is not what I deserve. I deserve so much better, but then doesn't every girl? All that I really know is that's it's horrible to have to feel this way and not only feel this way but to even have these feelings. I really doubt that it will have any sort of vauge significance in say oh 2+ years? But right now it's driving me insane and making me hurt in ways that I never thought I would. I want to just go back to the way it was when we were friends, when we could just be together and that was enough, when we put a smile on the others face at the mere sight of each other. Maybe that was all just lies too? Maybe it wasn't? Who knows? I'm pretty sure that I have no idea at this point, and I seriously doubt that he does either. So can we chalk it up to fear of the unknown? I won't, he can and might to some extent but I won't because I'll never actually know for sure because I don't think we'll ever get back to the way it was. You can't go pack to the way things were, you can't re-live the past, all you can do is face the sucky reality that's life and go on with it. Let the future bring what it may and then go from there. You can try to make the future better but life's so unpredictable that our efforts in bettering ourselves are honestly futile -- so live in the moment and make it beautiful.